You know, I guess it’s more interesting to imagine this conflicted situation here and a strong woman and a, you know, but that’s been an image that people have tried to paint of me since, you know, the day Barack announced, that I’m some angry black woman. – Michelle Obama, CBS This Morning, 1/11/12

Jake Tapper of ABC News reported the following on February 18, 2008:

Speaking in Milwaukee, Wisconsin today, would-be First Lady Michelle Obama said, “for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback.”

Then in Madison, she said, “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I’m really proud of my country, and not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.”

Some conservatives out there seem to find Mrs. Obama’s quote offensive, wondering why a 44 year old woman never felt proud before today.

Asked for a response to the remark, Obama campaign spox Bill Burton said, “Of course Michelle is proud of her country, which is why she and Barack talk constantly about how their story wouldn’t be possible in any other nation on Earth. What she meant is that she’s really proud at this moment because for the first time in a long time, thousands of Americans who’ve never participated in politics before are coming out in record numbers to build a grassroots movement for change.”

To continue with the train of thought presented in my opening quotations from the First Lady of the United States of America,

Mrs Obama’s senior year undergraduate thesis at Princeton was entitled ‘Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community’ and described her experience of being forced to remain ‘on the periphery’ of university life.

‘My experiences at Princeton have made me far more aware of my “blackness” than ever before,’ she wrote. ‘I have found that at Princeton, no matter how liberal and open-minded some of my white professors and classmates try to be toward me, I sometimes feel like a visitor on campus; as if I really don’t belong.

‘Regardless of the circumstances under which I interact with whites at Princeton, it often seems as if, to them, I will always be black first and a student second.’

In the March 10th, 2008 edition of The New Yorker, a 10 page article titled The Other Obama,  covering the future First Lady was published.  Here’s an excerpt:

Obama begins with a broad assessment of life in America in 2008, and life is not good: we’re a divided country, we’re a country that is “just downright mean,” we are “guided by fear,” we’re a nation of cynics, sloths, and complacents. “We have become a nation of struggling folks who are barely making it every day,” she said, as heads bobbed in the pews. “Folks are just jammed up, and it’s gotten worse over my lifetime. And, doggone it, I’m young. Forty-four!”

Now, for the life of me, I just can’t figure out how we raaaciiist “bitter clingers” in America’s Heartland ever came up with the notion that the First Lady of the United States of America is an “angry black woman”.  Can you?

Today is First Lady Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday.  In a blatant display of propaganda and worshipful zeal, ABC News has released a list of 50 suggestions for their beloved Queen as to how to celebrate the day. It includes

• Dance to Beyonce
• Move into a massive new house with your family and invite your mother to move in too
• Make the cover of Vogue
• Buy a Jason Wu dress
• Hang out with your friend, Oprah
• Roll your eyes at House Speaker John Boehner or the Danish prime minister
• Hug, kiss and fist bump the President of the United States
• ​Travel the world on Air Force One
• ​Dine at Spiagga in Chicago
• ​Hang out in Hawaii for an extra week as an early birthday gift

ABC News’ gift inspired me. I was ashamed that I have not given the First Lady anything…and, Lord knows, she certainly deserves something. So, in that spirit, here is my gift to the most beloved mate of a national leader since Eva Braun:

50 Ways to Get Your Mooch On (to the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon)

A young lady came up to

The First Lady

She said, “Like you I want to

get everything free”

‘Chelle said, “You’ve come to the right

person, baby”

I’ll teach you fifty ways

To get your “mooch” on

She said it’s easy if you put

your mind to it

By gaming the system 

you can get a lot of sh#t.

In Presidential Politics,

Taxpayers’ money you will get

And, if you’re a Democrat

if you’re caught, they will acquit

There are Fifty ways to get your ‘mooch’ on

[CHORUS:]

Go vay-cay in Spain, Jane

Get you some pearls, girl

Chow down on Wagyu,Sue

Pay attention to me

Just listen to ‘Chelle, Nell

You don’t need a brain cell

Marry The Prez, honey

And get it for free

She said I hope my rap

Is getting through to you

I am laying it out very plainly

These things that you should do

The girl said,” I am diggin’ this,

But, would please tell me some more 50 Ways”?

‘Chelle said. “Please take everything I’m telling you

and place it in your heart

Marrying a politician is

a great place to start”

And, then ‘Chelle left her

And she caught on to the game

‘Chelle did have 50 ways to get her “mooch” on

50 Ways to get her “mooch” on

CHORUS:

Go vay-cay in Spain, Jane

Get you some pearls, girl

Chow down on Wagyu,Sue

Pay attention to me

Just listen to ‘Chelle, Nell

You don’t need a brain cell

Marry The Prez, honey

And get it for free

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Obama….from a “downright mean” “bitter’clinger”.

May you have many more…just not anywhere near 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

Until He Comes,

KJ