Within a backdrop of the biggest battle of wills between our petulant president, Barack Hussein Obama (mm mmm mmmm), and Congress, since the disastrous passage of Obamacare, our nation’s capital is resembling a soap opera instead of a bastion of freedom.

There are more rumors flying around DC than in a high school, the week before the Senior Prom.

The lead characters in this Soap Opera, which I have dubbed, As the Stomach Turns, are (cue the melodramatic announcer):

President Barack Hussein Obama, a man wih a mysterious past, whose arrogance and goal to radically change the great country on the face of the Earth, is exceeded only by his desire to improve his golf handicap…

Speaker of the House (Cryin’) John Boehner, who is trying his best to put on a show of doing the right thing and holding the line against a debt ceiling increase, while all the time, secretly wishing for negotiations to wrap up in time for August Recess…

The Gang of Six, a mysterious cabal of cronies, whose sole purpose for existence seems to be to create the illusion of compromise, while, once again, capitulating to the president and the Democrats, as happened with the passage of Obamacare.

(Dinghy) Harry Reid – Majority Leader of the Senate…a crusty old politician, who never saw a political blackmail scheme which he didn’t like, and who follows his president so closely, if Obama ever stops suddenly, Senator Reid will disappear in a forced Colonoscopy.

San Fran Nan Pelosi – Former matriarch of the House of Representatives, desperately trying to re-achieve relevancy, by showing up every time a camera light comes on.

As we left our story yesterday, Cryin’ John Boehner, called the all-knowing, all-seeing Maha Rushie to set the record straight, by telling him that there was no deal on the table regarding the Debt Ceiling negotiations:

RUSH: We’re so happy to have with us the Speaker of the House, John Boehner. I’m glad that we had a chance to talk to you here, Mr. Speaker, because people are confused with all of these leaks as to what’s going on.

SPEAKER BOEHNER: Well, Rush, there is no deal. No deal publicly. No deal privately. There is absolutely no deal. Our focus —

RUSH: Are you talking about a deal, though?

SPEAKER BOEHNER: Pardon me?

RUSH: Are you talking about a deal in secret?

SPEAKER BOEHNER: Our focus right now is getting the Senate to follow us in the House and pass Cut, Cap, and Balance. I believe that we’ve got to act to prevent a default and to prevent a downgrade of our nation’s credit rating, and the best way to do that is to enact Cut, Cap, and Balance. But let me be clear: I believe that is the best course of action. I’ve said all the way along that we’ve gotta keep the lines of communication open. That’s why Leader Cantor and I have talked with Mitch McConnell. We’ve talked to Nancy Pelosi. We’ve talked to the president. We talked about fallback options if in fact Cut, Cap, and Balance does go down; and I do think it’s our obligation to have a fallback plan if that doesn’t work.

RUSH: Well, but that’s what everybody is worried about: What is the fallback plan? A congressional aide is out there today saying that the deal’s been struck. He’s unnamed, he’s on Fox, he’s saying, “It’s $3 trillion of cuts with no tax revenue.” National Journal says three trillion in cuts with “insignificant” tax revenues. So a lot of people out here are of the opinion that Obama is the one who ought to be caving. He’s the one that doesn’t have a plan. He’s forcing you to compromise with yourself. He’s done great damage to the economy, and people want it to stop.

SPEAKER BOEHNER: I understand. I’m concerned about the nation defaulting on its credit rating. I’m concerned about us not doing anything about our debt, which will cause our credit rating to fall — and which then would mean everybody’s interest rates go up. I think that’s irresponsible. Frankly, we’ve looked at a half a dozen fallback plans. None of which, none of which, are all that appetizing. That’s why we continue to support Cut, Cap, and Balance.

We join today’s episode as the mysterious President Barack Hussein Obama, (affectionately known to followers of this soap opera as “Scooter”), puts pen to paper (or, at least, one of his staff did), producing a vacuous op ed or the daily newpaper, USA Today, in an effort to keep his adoring public up to date, concerning the Debt Ceiling Crisis:

…The middle class hasn’t just borne the brunt of this recession; they’ve been dealing with higher costs and stagnant wages for more than a decade now. It’s just not right to ask them to pay the whole tab — especially when they’re not the ones who caused this mess in the first place.

Why not? You’ve had not trouble in the past with stating that you’re going to increase our taxes.

A balanced deficit deal that includes some new revenues isn’t just a Democratic position. It’s a position that has been taken by everyone from Warren Buffett to Bill O’Reilly. It’s a position that was taken this week by Democrats and Republicans in the Senate, who worked together on a promising plan of their own. And it’s been the position of every Democratic and Republican leader who has worked to reduce the deficit in their time, from Ronald Reagan to Bill Clinton.

There will be plenty of haggling over the details of all these plans in the days ahead. But right now, we have the opportunity to do something big and meaningful. This debate shouldn’t just be about avoiding the catastrophe of not paying our bills and defaulting on our debt. That’s the least we should do. This debate offers the chance to put our economy on stronger footing, restore a sense of fairness in our country, and secure a better future for our children. I want to seize that opportunity, and ask Americans of both parties and no party to join me in that effort.

Will the mysterious President of the United States (Ptui!) Barack Hussein Obama, succeed in getting America’s Debt Ceiling raised in time for the start of Ramadan and his killer family vay-cay at Martha’s Vineyard?

Will Cryin’ John Boehner succeed in the passage of Cut, Cap, and Balance, while maintaining his reserved bar stool at the GOP Elite Country Club?

Will the mysterious cabal of cronies, known as the Gang of Six, succeed in getting their compromise bill passed…and will they ever figure out exactly what they want to be in the bill, in the first place?

Will Senator Harry Reid ever propose anything useful?

Will San Fran Nan Pelosi finally end her Norma Desmond impression and just shuddup?

Stay tuned tomorrow, fellow Americans, for another exciting episode of AS THE STOMACH TURNS!

…And pass the Tylenol.