Hello…this is KJ.  Who’s this?  Well, Howdy, Mr. President.   How are ya?

Yeah.  I heard you were out on the stump for the Democrat Candidates, trying to minimize the damage before the November 2nd Massacre…Lotsa Luck…Heh. 

The other day, you were in Espanola, New Mexico, speaking to a crowd of 4,000.  You’ll go anywhere, won’t you?  But, I’ve got to ask you.  Just who were you campaigning for?

I planned to do about one stop for everybody that helped Hillary run for president because she’s one of only two members of the president’s cabinet who cannot participate in politics .

Y’know, as Secretary of State, Hil is not permitted to campaign. Then I got out here and started stirring around and realised that a lot of people were mad and even more confused and I didn’t want it on my conscience so I just loaded up and started strolling around.

Criminently.  The schedule you guys keep means you two see each other about as often as Lindsey Lohan sees sobriety.  Do I hear a smile in your voice, Bubba?

Well, I can understand your reluctance to campaign on behalf of Hil’s boss.  You two haven’t exactly been the best of friends since the knockdown-dragout fight y’all had in 2008.   Hey, was Gov. Bill “Judas” Richardson out there with you?  

Why, Mr. President.  I didn’t know that you knew such words! 

Did you hear about Scooter campaigning for Dinghy Harry out in Las Vegas last night?  Yeah.  It was supposed to be a rally for Harry Reid but the crowd kept chanting Obama’s name.  Pretty funny.  Scooter said to the crowd, who busted a gut, laughing:

Harry is not the flashiest guy, let’s face it.  Harry kind of speaks in a very soft voice. He doesn’t move very quickly. He doesn’t give stem-winding speeches. But Harry does the right thing.

Thant was a backhanded compliment if I’ve ever heard one.

At one point, Scooter had to stop his sycophants from chanting:

I appreciate everyone saying ‘Obama,’ but I want everyone to say ‘Harry, Harry, Harry. 

He then had to lead the crowd in the cheer and, after they finally joined in, he said:

That’s right.

Yep.  Harry and Angle are locked in a dead heat.  And that’s not the worst of Harry’s problems.  Nevada’s unemployment rate is sitting at 14.4 %!

And his penthouse at the Washington Ritz-Carlton has not gone over well with the Nevadan taxpayers, either.

Scooter’s speaking in Minnesota tonight, after being in Portland and Seattle this week.  The personal charisma of you and Scooter are all that’s keeping hope alive for your political party with 9 days to go before the Midterm Election.  Lord knows these Congresscritters can’t run on their record.

Y’know, there have been a lot of rumors about Hil.  No, not those kind of rumors.  Political rumors, like her replacing Crazy Uncle Joe as VP.  She wouldn’t do that, of course.  She’s been  loyal to Obama – it would have been politically foolish to appear otherwise – but her under-the-radar job means she can remain distant from most of what he does.  She’s not interested in the VP slot in 2012, is she, Bubba?

She’s already answered that.  I’ll tell you what, she likes being Secretary of State and she’s doing a great job.

By the way, where’s Hil going to be on the night of the elections?  Oh.  She’ll be out of town on November 2nd.  She’ll be on the other side of the globe, on a tour including stops in Australia, New Zealand and Papua New Guinea. How convenient.  Y’know, Scooter’s leaving town right after her, going on a 12-day trip Asian trip.  I guess they’re both gettin’ the heck out of Dodge.

I realize that challenging Scooter for the nomination in 2012 might be a no-win situation. To seek to get rid of  the first black president would split your party in two and almost guarantee a Republican victory, even if Hillary won the nomination.  Heeeey…on  second thought…you guys need to go for it!

However, 2016 would be a completely different situation.  You guys aren’t fooling anybody.  Everyone knows that she still has her eyes on the White House.  I heard that her former chief strategist Mark Penn recently polled her popularity compared to Obama’s.

So, is Hill going to run for president in 2016?

She speaks for herself on these things.

Ummm.  Okay.   Hey, before you go, one more thing.  There is a new story out now that you lost the card the president is meant to keep close at hand, bearing the codes that he has to have in order to launch a nuclear attack.  

Gen. Hugh Shelton, who served under you as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, says that you lost “the biscuit” in 2000.  In a previously released book, Ret. Air Force Lt. Col Robert Patterson, said that you lost it in 1998.  Patterson was one of the men who carried “the football”, the nuclear briefcase. 

No one seems to have all the facts, but that’s not unusual when national security matters are involved.   In fact, there’s an old story that Jimmy Carter left his biscuit in a suit that got sent to the dry cleaners. Even to this day, no one will confirm the story, but no one will deny it either.

Never mind, Bubba.  It’s been quite while a while now.  I’m sure you don’t remember where you left it.  By the way, while Hil is out of town on November 2nd, what are going to be up to?  Oh……never mind.

Bye, Bubba.