The Movie “Cats” Coughs Up a Hairball.

Cats-Movie-Terrifying

I am glad that I did not decide to become a Movie Critic.

I would probably be in therapy by now.

FoxBusiness.com reports that

Universal Pictures is distributing an updated version of the critically maligned film “Cats” to theaters, according to a memo obtained by The Hollywood Reporter.

THR reports that director Tom Hooper pushed for the new version which the memo says has “some improved visual effects.”

The film pulled in a dismal $6.5 million at the box office on opening weekend, while receiving a C+ rating on the moviegoer-surveying website CinemaScore.

The film cost $100 million to make, and features the likes of James Cordon, Idris Elba, Jennifer Hudson and Judi Dench.

The film, which heavily utilized CGI effects, was barely finished by the Dec. 17 world premiere, according to Hooper himself.

Judging from these critics featured in a story by The Hollywood Reporter, perhaps they should not have finished the movie.

The Hollywood Reporter’s David Rooney describes the visual appearance of the feline characters — who were going to be animated at one stage during the film’s development — as off-putting, verging on creepy. He also comments that their proportions are inconsistent in relation to certain environments, noting, “Sometimes they go from appearing minuscule to giant-size within the same scene.” Rooney goes on to call the film “virtually plotless,” comparing it to a “Ziegfeld Follies-type revue with a series of thinly connected specialty numbers rather than a narrative that invites much involvement.” Overall, the critic found the film “exhausting,” despite a cast, including “class acts [Judi] Dench and [Ian] McKellen,” who worked hard with the material.

Richard Lawson writes in Vanity Fair that after seeing the film, he had more questions than answers. “It’s an existential quandary, this 110-minute journey into a computer graphic phantasmagoria, revolting and briefly alluring, a true grotesque that sings, in fits and starts, a faint siren song,” says the critic. He adds that he left the premiere “ready to toss an easy critical bomb at it and be done with old 2019.” Lawson goes on to acknowledge that he doesn’t want to downright hate the film, referencing its talented cast and crew while noting, “It’s an ugly stray who smells bad and should not be invited into your home, certainly. And yet it is its own kind of living creature, worthy of at least some basic compassion.”

Slant Magazine’s Jake Cole writes that Hooper’s adaptation “gets straight to the heart of the material, which is basically two hours of stray cats introducing themselves.” He further notes that the film runs at such a dizzying speed that “it’s as if the original Broadway cast recording were being played at 1.5x speed and the visuals were paced to match.” The critic also references the peculiar song sequencing, erratic sound mixing and camera moves that never linger on a scene long enough to take in any real action. He concludes, “Not even the showstopping “Memory” has any soul, despite Hudson’s spirited rendition as the fallen, downtrodden Grizabella, thanks to the clumsy manner in which Hooper rushes through every movement.”

In the Los Angeles Times, Justin Chang references the thin plot of the film, labeling it “Lew Meowserables.” He further acknowledges, “And there is, to be sure, some representational value to be gleaned from these cats and their singing suicidal Olympics. Given how often the movies tend to stereotype felines as smug, pampered homebodies, there are certainly worse characters one could spend time with, though I am hard-pressed at the moment to think of many worse movies.” Chang goes on to call the film “both a horror and an endurance test, a dispatch from some neon-drenched netherworld where the ghastly is inextricable from the tedious. Every so often it does paws — ahem, pause — to rise to the level of a self-aware hoot.”

I actually saw the play “Cats” in a touring production in the Memphis Orpheum Theatre several decades ago, when it was “the thing” to go see, according to my ex.

As a musician, I actually enjoyed “The Phantom of the Opera” more.

But, I digress.

It always amazes me what the Liberals in charge of the Entertainment Industry in Hollywood believe that movie goers want to leave the comfort of their homes to come to a crowded movie theatre to see.

It is not just the fact that “Cats” is competing with the latest film in the “Star Wars” Franchise that is the cause of its horrendous box office.

Look at the words of the Hollywood Critics, all Liberals themselves:

“vitually plotless”

“exhausting”

“an ugly stray who smells bad” (I like this one.)

“Lew Meowserables”

“both a horror and an endurance test” (reminiscent of the House Impeachment, huh?)

Speaking of the House Impeachment (How did you like that segueway?)

The attitude of the Hollywood Executives, Producers, Directors, and writers who put out junk like this reminds me of the attitude of Pelosi and the rest of the Democrats who believed that average Americans would buy what they were selling if they could just prove to us how brilliant they were for subjecting us to it.

Here’s some bad news for “The Smartest People in the Room” in both D.C. and Hollywood:

Average Americans are taught from childhood to recognize when someone’s trying to get them to buy a bunch of garbage wrapped up in a pretty bow.

Both “Cats” The Movie and Pelosi’s Democratic House Impeachment of President Trump belong in a litter box.

Until He Comes,

KJ