When we left our story, President Barack Hussein Obama was on the cusp of launching into the first Presidential Hissy Fit in American History, with faithful minions San Fran Nan Pelosi, the Norma Desmond of Capitol Hill, and the Godfather of Las Vegas, Dinghy Harry Reid, following in lock-step.

Across the aisle, the Speaker of the House, Cryin’ John Boehner, was arranging meetings with the aforementioned Congressional Leaders , also including Senate Majority Leader “Grandpa” Mitch McConnell, who seemingly was still trying desperately to figure out what all the excitement was about.

As we join our story this morning, an anxious America holds its collective breath, waiting to see if the tanking Asian Markets portend a Black Monday on Wall Street.  Meanwhile,  life in the sleepy little hamlet of Washington, DC, goes on…

As we catch up with Norma Desmond, err, Nancy Pelosi, she  has attended an Elite Fundraiser for fellow Democrat, U.S. Rep. Rosa DeLauro of Connecticut.

As San Fran Nan left Sunday’s Elite Event, she was asked by a reporter about the Debt Ceiling Negotiations.

Of course, she blamed those wascally Wepublicans…again:

As Speaker Boehner said, there are two different visions of America and I think that’s right. President Obama has a vision to work for the little guy, the middle class and for all people in our country. He is there for 100 percent of Americans and Republicans are there for 2 percent of Americans.

Those prescribed medications are pretty strong, aren’t they, Norma?…errr…I mean, Nancy?

And, what of the erstwhile hero of our tale, Cryin’ John Boehner?

With his self-imposed Asian Market Deadline looming before him yesterday, he said, while appearing on Fox news Sunday:

I would prefer to have a bipartisan approach to solve this problem.  If that’s not possible, I and my Republican colleagues are prepared to do this alone. Today.

According to our hero, it is not “physically possible” to get everything done before the Treasury Department’s August 2 deadline for raising the debt ceiling:

There is going to be a two stage process.

I don’t want to get anywhere close to [default]. This is about what’s doable at the eleventh hour.

Boehner’s office had reported late Saturday that a two-vote approach was now necessary in order to raise the debt ceiling immediately. They would tackle debt reduction, later.

Our hero had harsh words for the antagonist of our story, the mysterious (and clueless) President Barack Hussein Obama:

The president’s worried about his next election, but my God, shouldn’t we be worried about the country? I’m not worried about the next election. I told the president months ago: Forget about the next election!

The president continues to insist that the debt ceiling should be raised at least through 2012, in order to take politics out of the negotiation.

A short pause, while I wipe Diet Coke off of my computer monitor.

During the president’s nationally televised hissy fit on Friday evening, he stated that he would be willing to work on “any plans” that lawmakers brought him over the weekend:

The only bottom line that I have is that we have to extend this debt ceiling through the next election, into 2013.

Per an anonymous GOP aide, Republican leadership will fight back if the president threatens to veto a debt limit increase because it conflicts with the election calendar.

If you will remember, our story’s hero announced on Friday that he was walking away from deficit negotiations with the White House due to the fact that that President Obama was “adamant” about raising taxes and would not agree to “fundamental changes” to entitlement program:

Obama’s response was:

It is hard to understand why Speaker Boehner would walk away from this deal.

He went on to accuse the Republicans of not being able to say “yes” to any agreement.

Boehner replied on Fox News Sunday:

Last Sunday, I thought there was an agreement. On Tuesday, the president said they need more revenue. [House Leader Eric] Cantor (R-Va.) and I said no.”

According to Boehner, this back and forth went on all week, until he made the decision on Friday to step back from the negotiation table.

And, per two sources, Boehner told Republican colleagues on a conference call yesterday, that he gave President Obama a Civics lesson, telling him:

As I read the Constitution, the Congress writes the laws and you get to decide what you want to sign.

That may explain the hissy fit.

Boehner also announced on Fox News Sunday that:

My last offer is still out there. I’ve never taken my last offer off the table, and they never agreed to my last offer. On the other hand, “It may be pretty hard to put humpty dumpty back together again.”

Boehner said that he is an “optimist” when it comes to reaching a deal on the debt ceiling and is determined to find “as much common ground as we can” in order to reach an agreement.

Well, faithful reader, as you’ve guessed by now, nothing at all was accomplished yesterday, and Cryin’ John did not make his deadline of solving the Debt Ceiling Fiasco by the opening of the Asian Markets yesterday.

So, here Americans sit, waiting for Wall Street to open, on what may become a Black Monday. 

May I suggest that those of you with stock portfolios, think of fluffy bunnies, and bambi-esque deer frollicking through golden meadows.

Or, call your broker, and convert everything to gold…

Be with us next time for our next exciting episode of As the Stomach Turns!

If you can still afford to pay for your internet connection….