Why, good morning, Mr. President!  It was a pleasant surprise when you called, saying that you were passing through and wanted to meet me here for breakfast this morning.  Please allow me to order for you:

Waitress, please bring President Clinton a Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity with a big glass of Sweet Tea, please.

It’s been a heckuva a week, huh, sir?

It has just been announced that America’s Misery Index, which adds together the unemployment and inflation rates, is at an all time high.

You remember the Misery Index. It was first thought of in the 70s, by economist Arthur Okun.

The other day, when  President Scooter lamely joked, that…

Shovel-ready was not as shovel-ready as we expected…

he actually got something right, for once.

The index, is showing an extremely economically- sick 12.7—9.1 percent for unemployment and 3.6 percent for annualized inflation.  Americans have not experienced this number since 1983.

By the way, Mr. President, did you know index has been above 10 since November 2009 and had been under double-digits from June 1993 through May 2008.

Of course, back in the 80s, during the reign of Ronaldus Maximus, Paul Volcker, leading the Federal Reserve, brought the Misery Index down sharply, as America recovered under president Reagan’s leadership.

Man, I miss him. How about you, Mr. President?

You do, too? I thought so.

I read in an article at cnbc.com, written by John Carney, where Paul Dales, the chief U.S. Economist at Capital Economics said that:

The good news is that other measures suggest conditions aren’t quite that bad and over the next 18 months the gloom should lift a little. The bad news is that households won’t be in the mood to boost their spending significantly for several more years.

Dales says all the misery may not be as bad as it appears. An alternative measure, put forth in 1999 by Robert Barro, encompasses a wider swath of misery, measuring employment against the so-called “natural rate” and compares inflation against the previous 10 years. The Barro measure also looks at whether gross domestic product is below its “potential” and compares yields on the 10-year Treasury note against the yields of the previous 10 years.

With all that rolled in, Dales says the Barro index is indicating that while things aren’t expected to get dramatically better, the level of misery is probably at a peak and should roll back over the next 18 months.

But, hey, Mr. President, Americans are not alone in our misery.  Republican candidate Mitt Romney feels our pain, just as you did.

According to politico.com:

Mitt Romney sat at the head of the table at a coffee shop here [in Tampa, Florida] on Thursday, listening to a group of unemployed Floridians explain the challenges of looking for work. When they finished, he weighed in with a predicament of his own.

“I should tell my story,” Mr. Romney said. “I’m also unemployed.”

Romney is, of course, worth several hundred million dollars and unemployed by choice. In fairness to him, Jeff Zeleny notes that the voters he was speaking with “joined him in laughter.”

Perhaps you could give lessons to Mittens on how to speak to average Americans, Mr. President?

Anyway, that’s enough about the economy.  I read this week where Hil, and her assistant, Huma Weiner, returned this week from another State Department trip.

What a mess, huh?  No wonder you’re sitting here in an IHOP in Northwest Mississippi with me.

I heard that Anthony Weiner called you to apologize, since you guys have been so close in the past,with her working for Hil as her assistant all these years, and you officiating their wedding last July.

I read in the Wall Street Journal that Huma called your wife, seeking her opinion before the pervert, err, I mean, the Congressman confessed publically on Monday.

I heard that Huma hit the roof, and rightfully so, when Weiner told her the truth last Monday.

I know you guys are upset about the whole thing.

When he finally resigned on the 16th, I know that it must have been both sad and relieving.

But, something has me puzzled.  Why did the Democratic Leadership  jump all over Weiner’s dalliance, and yet, they defended you from impeachment to their dying breaths?

Was it because Anthony Weiner was an abrasive jerk, who presented a poor public image, while you were a presidential Ric Flair:  a wheelin’-dealin’, kiss-stealing, limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, saxophone-playin’, glad-handin’, son-of-a-gun?

Or, was it because there were a lot of politically powerful people out there who owed you favors?

Even though all of that is true, I think the reason is deeper and more Machiavellian than that.

You held the most powerful position in the Free World. The Democratic Party was not about to give that up.  Weiner was just one Congressman out of 435, just one vote among many.  The Beltway Elite have little tolerance for anyone who rocks the boat, especially if they belong to the lower echelon of political power, such as a Congressman.

Once Weiner became a national punchline, he became about as welcome as Rosanne Barr singing the National Anthem.

But, don’t worry about Weiner, Mr. President.  Did you hear that Hustler Magazine Founder and Professional Pervert Larry Flynt offer him a job?

Really!  Flynt, speaking to huffingtonpost.com, said that:

He is a natural pornographer who has a skilled eye for unusual views and acrobatics … It’s clear he’s better suited to join our team than be the governor of the state of New York.

I think that he turned down the offer, though.

Anyway, it’s been great to speak with you this morning, Mr. President.  Safe travels and…behave yourself.

About that last part…never mind.